Foreign Language Learning And Healing
It’s Friday night and I’m studying German. No, not in a musty classroom practicing awkward dialogues with other students, nor at my computer doing grammar exercises. I’m huddled on my couch in the dark under a blanket, running through flashcards on my smartphone while tears pour down my face.
It’s not the image most people have of language learning – certainly not the polyglots, blogging about the languages they speak, or how many hours they study each day. But their high-speed approach doesn’t work for someone staggering under the weight of severe depression and anxiety. Like me.
I’m in my mid thirties and I’ve been depressed since my teens. In the past few years it has increasingly affected different areas of my life. Once or twice a month, it’s so bad that I can’t leave the flat for a day or two. Even when I feel brighter, I don’t have the energy of people without depression.
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Given my limitations, what made me hone in on languages to spend my energy on? Depression often makes your world feel small, and your options few. Languages provide a window on to a wider world. Any activity has the potential to break monotony, but languages seem especially useful, at least for me, by allowing me to connect with people and by giving me a route back to the things I feel are important.
I enjoyed language lessons at school and as an adult I’ve found lots of ways to keep engaged with learning. Today I take German evening classes after work. For two hours I struggle along with other language learners. Group classes may have a bad reputation but I find the structure useful. I learn lots on my own, but having to turn up once a week and be around people helps keep me progressing.
Depression can make people feel very isolated. Conversation exchanges can provide a simple, structured way to connect. I’ve set up several exchanges with speakers of German (and French, which I’m also studying) who want to improve their English. We meet at a cafe, or on Skype, and practice our languages. It may sound nerve-racking, and it can be, but it’s less intimidating than a date. We don’t need to be best friends to help each other learn.
Classes and conversation exchanges give me another tool to fight the anxiety that can leave me terrified and unable to act. In these settings I can make mistakes – indeed, I must to progress – and realise that it’s not the end of the world.
On days when all I can do is retreat to my couch and blanket, what I need most is distraction, something to calm my brain when every breath feels unbearable. Gamified apps such as Duolingo can provide this soothing distraction. Clicking away helps me feel as if I’ve done something purposeful; I can turn a tiny part of my brain to something better. The app’s short, discrete chunks of vocabulary are immensely helpful, especially as my concentration worsens with my mental health.
Language Learning And Memory
Sometimes depression and anxiety makes me yearn for the things I love, while feeling unable to reach them. Languages help me to fumble back to what I used to care about. I collect blogs, podcasts, newspaper articles, or videos in French or German about things I know I’m interested in underneath the depression. Reading summaries of news stories (Deutsche Welle has a brilliant newsletter for German learners); watching short, digestible videos; or listening to brief podcasts (Slow German is my hands-down favourite) are other good options. Puzzling through the vocabulary and sentences is a good way to keep occupied, and stirs an emotional memory of having cared for the subject or issue earlier. It’s doubly pleasing, and perhaps then doubly motivating.
Why Learn A Foreign Language
Reading about issues you would read about in your mother tongue helps. Topics such as food politics, immigration policy, or feminist activity in France or Germany make me curious: why is veganism so trendy in Germany right now? What is going on with the gender theory hubbub in France? I can read about these things in English, but I find it more informative – not to mention satisfying – to do so in the original language.
But the hardest part of the process is being kind to myself. The voice of depression always chides me for not doing more. It is true that learning a language can often feel like an immense task, but breaking it down into steps – one more podcast, one more Duolingo lesson, one more chapter in my textbook – can remind me I am progressing. I can check the number of words studied, the videos watched. This helps me talk back to the voice of depression that says I can’t do it.
So I’ll keep going. Maybe it won’t be fast, maybe I’ll stumble and have to take a lot of breaks. But I’ll get to see thought-provoking political debate, read and cook tasty recipes, and enjoy some fabulous music. Sounds like a good journey to me.
Read more from this writer on the Compassionate Language Learner blog.
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